what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
