I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Randomize
