My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
