walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
