You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
you made out with another girl for some wings
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
