Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
