Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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