you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
