those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
