Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
