listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
