all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
