yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
