I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
