I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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