gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Randomize
