All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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