And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
