I CAN MOONWALK!
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
