Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
