I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
this beer tastes like vomit already
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
