in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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