I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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