We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
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