You really coming over, don't trick.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
