I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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