So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
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