And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Randomize
