I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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