i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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