How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm sobbing to NWA
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Randomize
