Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
