i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
