if i died would you start the facebook group?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
