yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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