That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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