I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
