How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
they need to just BURY HIM!
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
