Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
