i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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