She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
