look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
