Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
They have beer where we have blood.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
