Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
