she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
