too bad you live with your parents still
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
