I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
