Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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