new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Randomize
