i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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