in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
