I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
