i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
