Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
