I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
