Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Randomize
