someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Randomize
