why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
