I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
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