Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
