Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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