when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
