I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
