my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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