Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
