Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize