Midget sex pt 2 tonight
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
