Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
