:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
