i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
