Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
