dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
