Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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