areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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